Only , Almost Here.

Been stuck with the Sex & the City drama series for the past few days. I see myself learning more about New York city and the four women.  Kash told me not to get addict to it but I don't think so ? Hahaha. A escape at Cornelius's house was great , staying for a 3 days 2 night. Stuffed ourselves with great food , SNTC , talks , busy days and nights. It was good to see kash again after the escape. I wasn't that 'addicted' to him anymore. I learnt the lesson in a hard way . Still, I made mistake sometimes. Guess I will never learn ?. Carrie is so me. After breaking up with Mr Big. Late nights hang out with diff guys, sleep till late noon, having take away and restless. This is exactly who I was for the past few years. The major break up I had was with Julian , Richmond and Cheese. Guess kash will be next ?. I don't know. Sometimes I felt we are meant to be , sometimes I don't. I felt somehow he's another Julian...Well I do miss that fellow sometimes.

Last night I got the answer that I always want to hear. I asked kash do he love me ? He replied with a very much. At that moment, there's a magical feeling inside of me & I wasn't afraid of losing him anymore. I know he likes to do things make me annoyed , then I realised he did it to make me learn. He wants us to be together. I am sorry to be an ass with a non-hairy hole. ( personal joke ). haha. I love you too & I want you.

So, I went for interview at the marina barrage. I got the job and I am thinking considering if I should go . But I guess not. I will find a office job with a 1.6k per month. If not the lowest I go will be 1.4K. Sick of searching and going for interview nowadays. Maybe I should just take my time. I still want to wake up late afternoon and doing my favourite thing. haha. & yes. I am moving back to my old house. Goodbye changi (: I do love this place but I felt I have to go back home , for myself , parents , us and friends. Moving back once he left to India , prolly for a month or two. I hope there will be good news. So w are going back to the dating period. I know i will miss him. But I need to do this to make me miss him lesser. I guess welcome back the old kelly aw ? The player , not the lover.

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

First day of recovering - It was a bad one though , first step was never easy. There will be more to come , just building up the walls to block away the pain. I was crying almost the whole day. We hugged and kissed goodbye after what happened on the last night. He left for his work and I am home waiting for him. Not planning to head anywhere with a pair of red eyes. I went to bed , was having a bad headace . I thought by sleeping could let me forget about everything, maybe everything is just a dream - a bad one. I prayed everything will go away. . .But the moment I woke up , I feel so single , so alone . Back to crying drama again . Its already 5plus & he's still not home. I miss him badly . When every door opened , I wished it was him but none of it is him. Resting at the couch , trying to forget everything, *key sounds* HE'S BACK !!! but my reaction is stoned & waiting for him to hug me...... He said he missed me & couldn't concentrade his work. His mind is thinking about me.. I told him about the moment I woke up I felt single , he hugged and told me I am not single, you are double with me. .. Tell me how not to cry badly again ?. I couldn't sleep the whole night. He was hugging me tightly. My mind just stays awake , afraid he might leave me if i fall deep sleep. He told me he will never leave me and he will do something about it. Sigh. I really don't know what to do. I could imagine myself hitting the pub more. To get myself drunk or whatever it is. I just don't want to feel the pain anymore. . Tell me what to do. ?

Are We Just Lost In Time?

I Wonder If Your Love's The Same

'Cause I Am Not Over You.

Mentally well-prepared for the worst. Left with a month , is either we stay or we go . I have no idea how am I going to go through this shit but I am not going to let love bring me down, never again. Today marks our 7month anniversary. This relationship is different from the past that I had. Be it the skin or age , maturity or what, totally opposite. Yet I am falling in love with this guy. Let's call that fate or what ? Seriously I never thought that We will fall in love with each other. He did his ways to stop but somehow we just got together. Is about the age difference that pulls him to stop in the beginning. However things just happened & there's nothing we can do but to accept what fate have arranged for us. Is was fate that brought us together for 7months and it could be fate, that going to let us go. . Having a relationship with a indian guy , a guy who is 16 years older than me. I never thought so much for a relationship. All I know is just love and care. be there for him and whatever it is you saw in the movie. But this relationship needs more that I expect. I am learning something I never did in my past relationship. Its seem hard for me to get through everything, For the past few months , I tried but still couldn't make it. I tried to let you go , tried to fall for other guys , tried to ignore you , tried to live the way how it should be. But wherever I go , I just can't stop thinking about you. . .Maybe letting go is the best way for us ?. The result shows that we have not been fighting much. We gave our best shot and still thought that we will never satisfied each other. I guess we never did , the best shot we gave , wasnt the best of all in the world of reality. We are left with a month of battle & soon you are leaving to India for a real one . Honestly , I dont have the faith in our battle and hereby I show my white flag. Instead a month of fighting for our future , it will be a month for my recovering. Goodbye my love.

I AM THE ONLY - EXCEPTION

Now Blogger Photo Uploader look disgusting & I really need some help with the coding. I - never the IT person , I don't have their brains that able to communicate well with them. Any kind soul out there ?

Have been staying in the house for 4 straight days ! I feel like I am back to the school vacation where I have no spare cash to hangout with friends & have to stay home just to save up the daily allowances from daddy. Now I have the cash , friends were too busy with school & work. I glad that I am meeting them this weekend to catch up with each other. Guess I am not going to stay in the house for the whole day , shall hit to the pool later & swim like a whale.

Recently been dealing with School Withdrawal , yes ! Like finally after 8 months ? WOW. really didnt know time flies till you actually think back about it. I do miss school life , the assigments , the social life and the student pressure. What else do you still need to worry ? No doubts people would love to go back to school lifes once they hit the real society world. - cruel . Saying back about the withdrawal , I have no idea how much i need to pay back to the damn school. She made me join & now she made me pay. I can't help but to get mad at her all times. Sometimes I thought she's changed but still the same. What to do ? My mother leh. Birthday is coming soon yet they are going to Hongkong for holiday without taking me there. I tried my best yknow? No allowances from you guys , hoping life would be better for you all. I have been working for freaking 9 months & everything depends on my own. I never ask any help at all. I got the pay , bring you out for nice dinner & stuff. You hardly call & ask how's life doing but every single call you dialed - asking for money to pay my bills & concerns about quitting school cause they have been deducting the CPF. All about money if you have been realised. Now you know why I am afraid of answering your call ? Mommy , I am trying to be nice. What else do you still want from me ? sigh. Better finish it up about the school & I am free.

Last night I came to know the truth. C , I always thought hanging out with you on every weekend cause you no time with friends & family. Thats the reason you broke up with me & I accepted. From then , I am blaming myself for ruining this relationship. If only , I just spend once a week with you & not being sticky with you. Then you will stay with me longer. I thought you are the one that able to live with me till my life ends with a fullstop. With you , I not fooling around & being serious in every seconds we shared. Then I came to know the ugly truth. Your heart belongs to somebody else - who you said you both were just friends even though you guys used to be together. Do you know I believe you  even when your action lies ? I still believe in you even when all my wild guesses were all accurate and thats because I love you. Just after our 5th month anniversary and few days later , You guys got tgt behind my back. Everyone ask why we broke up , I couldn't give them an answer. I told everyone you are the nicest guy I ever met in my life. My judgement was wrong. People said you leave me for some other woman. I protected you & guarded your reputation. I told them you'r different from other guys & nobody can ever compare with you. You will never did such things in my eyes. But I was totally wrong & they were right. You could have tell me the truth. I know from the starts we shouldnt be together cause you'r J's friend. But we did & still make it through months. I know its been a year & happy 1 year anniversary to you guys but the pain & memories that you gave - I can never forget that. You don't have to tell me anything cause I know , like finally. The love was totally a mistake. Now I can move on without giving my love to anyone.

Baby , I'm On My Way . .

Current situation : Working in the morning shift with a pair of sleepy eyes

Sunday was totally awesome hanging out with corny and goldy ! Its felt the same like those golden days we had. Next time with camera on please ! Let's have Asahi again ! (:

We talked about everything . Somehow it knocks some sense to me . I have decided to take up my passion again. I decided to study for what I want. However I have missed this year intake , gotta wait for the next one thou. I have more than a year to really think about it. Left with 9 months to have a major consideration before i sign up. What should I do while waiting ? Having plenty of plans in mind, party/work the 9 months away or do something meaningful about it. Maybe I will take up photography classes , Muay thai , BEC or maybe I will . . . . . . . . . . See ? I can't wait any moment. I know I still gotta work to save up . Sigh, Life isn't that beautiful all the time. Still , let's move on for a better future (:

Next week is already May, I can say there isn't any situation so far in 2010 . No situation = Good News ! Hahaha Don't want to live my life in a drama way! I wish to go for a trip in June/July. Yes, Bangkok. I could have been there during April. Well, thanks to the red/yellow/green ! & Maybe Penang at the end of the year (:

Discover The Nature Beauty With Naked Eyes.

Seriously , I would love to travel around the world and taking shots that capture from the naked eyes behind the lens. Perhaps this year I might travel Penang or Bangkok or both. Before the trips , I hope I could master the DSLR well . Those photos were taken in Mid-Jan , India.

The Sleeping Child

I will take whatever it takes.

Wake Up Early In The Morning. . .

Yeah , you will find me stuffing myself with Ruffles ( not yet finished after a month or so ) , reading fashion magazine together with Apple Juice. Been waking up early nowadays and spend my time on the net or MTV programmes showing on the TV before heading myself to work. Now Jon & Kate plus eight is gone now , check out on Youtube that they are seperated. Damn , HOW ABOUT THE EIGHT LITTLE KIDS ? They are extremely adorable ! . My only source of entertainment in the morning.

Met up with shiyun for shopping & heading back to RP and fix that damn lappy ! They changed it to windows 7 for me ! sadly , I can't back up any files cause I didnt have my hard disk at that time so gotta reformat & BYE to my photos or whatever shit memories you can find. Heading to town for HONGKONG CAFE. I think cheese baked rice the standard drop already luhs. Maybe I dont love cheese anymore? haha. I love sushi but shiyun is scared of it eversince we had the buffet @sakae. So , anyone want to join me for sakae buffet? wink* (:

Got an orangieee earpiece to end the day. Surprisingly nothing caught my attention throughout the whole day @ town. I want my birkenstock and crumple bag yet all out of stock! Guess god doesnt want me to spend my money. Anyway i just need a earpiece for my ipod cause the previous one is fautly ! ):

This was a few weeks back when I met shiyun for kbox & saka buffet. !

YOU KNOW WHAT ? CAUSE I BELIEVE . .

Being Broke In April . . .

Yeah, I know April is not even here yet I am here talking about it. That's sad ! I know , what can I do ? I am working to support myself , Parents is not there to support me anymore . Welcome to adulthood Kellyaw , you have been supporting yourself for almost half a year. I am sure you will figure a way somehow , nothing beats down a hunter ! (: So yeap, why am I broke? Well , I need to buy this and this ! Macbook and Black Berry 9700 BOLD ! hehehe.

I need a Lappy seriously, the one I am using right now is giving me headache and moodswing ! so now you know how bad it was ? Its make me felt so crazy when I was using it. Could have just thrown out the window and release the stress, but I didn't. I am gonna be a good owner and bring it for repair on next tues , then I will sell it for a better owner than me! hahaha , at least I dont thrown it out of my window . SPREAD THE LOVE ! <3 I am really spoilt of choices choosing which is the best as I need it for design , photoshop and many more besides surfing the net. Yeah , the photobooth so I can webcam my ugly face ! haha. So ya , gonna get it right after I sell the Fitjisu & my pay ! :D then you shall see one happy kid in the gym smiling to herself ! :D




The BlackBerry 9700 BOLD !

Its time to change a phone and say goodbye to my Jet , I need to surf the net everywhere I go . For some particular reason and I need this to check the mails. Poor little Jet can't do it perfectly ): Is my reason good enough to change a phone ? ): ): Well I shall see how on the end of april , I still loving my Jet (: but a macbook is definitely a YES !




Stop all those shopping list , its make me go crazy about getting them. Haha! Had power yoga today and its A-W-E-S-O-M-E ! I really love it to the max . Your body felt so relax and good afterwards except you have to bear the pain of muscles aching when you wake up the next day): Drink banana milk , its speed up the muscles recovery ! (: The instructor said I very flexible but I needa endure my stability and make it stronger so if I do all those stunt , you can't make me fall with a poke of your finger ! hehehe , call me a yoga teacher soooooon ! (: I am gonna attend the classes every week like how I plan for my schedule. Eventually today was a pretty good day , however there will be definitely a person doing something to ruin your day. I am fuming mad about it but could only laugh at her childish act. One nice phrase/sentences for this type of person.

" If you have a copycats in your life, don't be so mad. It means you become the inspiration of them. "

Well, Lappy broke down what do you expect ? I gotta go back to RP to fix it. If I am still living in sengkang , I don't mind. Guess I gotta take a day off just to fix the lappy and I might sell it away then getting myself a Macbook. Gmask it to bright oranges ! :D Guess what, I think I am not addicted to smoking already eversince I came back from India. No particular reason for changing. I still holding a stick or two sometimes in one day if not , none at all (: Yea , so drinking and smoking will be only done for social only.

Endless Road Of Life Till Your Last Breathe.

Maybe one day , Miracle will happen. & I am just waiting for mine to arrive.

Life was simple for the past few months , I pray for 2010 will be a smooth ride for the entire year. I took a year of break from school and let's see if I am able to archieve anything better. Shall kept it as a secret. Anyway , I finally caught up with Shiyun after months of postpone the dayout. I really have a great time with her , always. As usual , we shop the whole day , dine for some sushi as I was craving badly & gossip the whole day long. Its been 18-soon-to-be-19 years of friendship. Let's keep up the good work !


Definitely can't forget my 3 cute friends ! When free to meet up again for a bbq or picnic ? Hehehe. Soon , manda & corn will be starting school whereas Gie is forever busy with assignment. Frankly speaking , I do miss school life. However I lost the interests in studying. I need to find a way out for this.


From this week onwards , I'll go to yoga classes even if I am alone. First step to be independent. If you are able to go shopping alone at the Orchard Road, You able to do it for this too! (Y) Its already March! Show some archievement !


I realised I'm changing. No more heavy smoker , not tempted to alcohol, no longer finding me awake @ 1am , waking up @ 7am and being serious about life. But there's still a few bad points , dine in cafe and takiing cab to work always. HAHAHA !

Endless Journey - We Walk

Rewind & Renew it. Pulished the journal in public now after several decision making. After all these months of adulthood , I told myself I need a break . I want to enjoy like any other teens out there. Well, this may the first & boring post but the upcoming next will be a different one.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! I just can't wait to get that damn DSLR ! Maybe after June , I will sign up for photography lesson and learn photoshop too. I think by then i will put lesser time in working. Guess right now , I must not waste anymore time , the meeting is on Saturday. I need to come up good proposal for my dream.