Only , Almost Here.

Been stuck with the Sex & the City drama series for the past few days. I see myself learning more about New York city and the four women.  Kash told me not to get addict to it but I don't think so ? Hahaha. A escape at Cornelius's house was great , staying for a 3 days 2 night. Stuffed ourselves with great food , SNTC , talks , busy days and nights. It was good to see kash again after the escape. I wasn't that 'addicted' to him anymore. I learnt the lesson in a hard way . Still, I made mistake sometimes. Guess I will never learn ?. Carrie is so me. After breaking up with Mr Big. Late nights hang out with diff guys, sleep till late noon, having take away and restless. This is exactly who I was for the past few years. The major break up I had was with Julian , Richmond and Cheese. Guess kash will be next ?. I don't know. Sometimes I felt we are meant to be , sometimes I don't. I felt somehow he's another Julian...Well I do miss that fellow sometimes.

Last night I got the answer that I always want to hear. I asked kash do he love me ? He replied with a very much. At that moment, there's a magical feeling inside of me & I wasn't afraid of losing him anymore. I know he likes to do things make me annoyed , then I realised he did it to make me learn. He wants us to be together. I am sorry to be an ass with a non-hairy hole. ( personal joke ). haha. I love you too & I want you.

So, I went for interview at the marina barrage. I got the job and I am thinking considering if I should go . But I guess not. I will find a office job with a 1.6k per month. If not the lowest I go will be 1.4K. Sick of searching and going for interview nowadays. Maybe I should just take my time. I still want to wake up late afternoon and doing my favourite thing. haha. & yes. I am moving back to my old house. Goodbye changi (: I do love this place but I felt I have to go back home , for myself , parents , us and friends. Moving back once he left to India , prolly for a month or two. I hope there will be good news. So w are going back to the dating period. I know i will miss him. But I need to do this to make me miss him lesser. I guess welcome back the old kelly aw ? The player , not the lover.

I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

First day of recovering - It was a bad one though , first step was never easy. There will be more to come , just building up the walls to block away the pain. I was crying almost the whole day. We hugged and kissed goodbye after what happened on the last night. He left for his work and I am home waiting for him. Not planning to head anywhere with a pair of red eyes. I went to bed , was having a bad headace . I thought by sleeping could let me forget about everything, maybe everything is just a dream - a bad one. I prayed everything will go away. . .But the moment I woke up , I feel so single , so alone . Back to crying drama again . Its already 5plus & he's still not home. I miss him badly . When every door opened , I wished it was him but none of it is him. Resting at the couch , trying to forget everything, *key sounds* HE'S BACK !!! but my reaction is stoned & waiting for him to hug me...... He said he missed me & couldn't concentrade his work. His mind is thinking about me.. I told him about the moment I woke up I felt single , he hugged and told me I am not single, you are double with me. .. Tell me how not to cry badly again ?. I couldn't sleep the whole night. He was hugging me tightly. My mind just stays awake , afraid he might leave me if i fall deep sleep. He told me he will never leave me and he will do something about it. Sigh. I really don't know what to do. I could imagine myself hitting the pub more. To get myself drunk or whatever it is. I just don't want to feel the pain anymore. . Tell me what to do. ?

Are We Just Lost In Time?

I Wonder If Your Love's The Same

'Cause I Am Not Over You.

Mentally well-prepared for the worst. Left with a month , is either we stay or we go . I have no idea how am I going to go through this shit but I am not going to let love bring me down, never again. Today marks our 7month anniversary. This relationship is different from the past that I had. Be it the skin or age , maturity or what, totally opposite. Yet I am falling in love with this guy. Let's call that fate or what ? Seriously I never thought that We will fall in love with each other. He did his ways to stop but somehow we just got together. Is about the age difference that pulls him to stop in the beginning. However things just happened & there's nothing we can do but to accept what fate have arranged for us. Is was fate that brought us together for 7months and it could be fate, that going to let us go. . Having a relationship with a indian guy , a guy who is 16 years older than me. I never thought so much for a relationship. All I know is just love and care. be there for him and whatever it is you saw in the movie. But this relationship needs more that I expect. I am learning something I never did in my past relationship. Its seem hard for me to get through everything, For the past few months , I tried but still couldn't make it. I tried to let you go , tried to fall for other guys , tried to ignore you , tried to live the way how it should be. But wherever I go , I just can't stop thinking about you. . .Maybe letting go is the best way for us ?. The result shows that we have not been fighting much. We gave our best shot and still thought that we will never satisfied each other. I guess we never did , the best shot we gave , wasnt the best of all in the world of reality. We are left with a month of battle & soon you are leaving to India for a real one . Honestly , I dont have the faith in our battle and hereby I show my white flag. Instead a month of fighting for our future , it will be a month for my recovering. Goodbye my love.