I would fall asleep

Only in hopes of dreaming

That everything would be like it was before

But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting

They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

First day of recovering - It was a bad one though , first step was never easy. There will be more to come , just building up the walls to block away the pain. I was crying almost the whole day. We hugged and kissed goodbye after what happened on the last night. He left for his work and I am home waiting for him. Not planning to head anywhere with a pair of red eyes. I went to bed , was having a bad headace . I thought by sleeping could let me forget about everything, maybe everything is just a dream - a bad one. I prayed everything will go away. . .But the moment I woke up , I feel so single , so alone . Back to crying drama again . Its already 5plus & he's still not home. I miss him badly . When every door opened , I wished it was him but none of it is him. Resting at the couch , trying to forget everything, *key sounds* HE'S BACK !!! but my reaction is stoned & waiting for him to hug me...... He said he missed me & couldn't concentrade his work. His mind is thinking about me.. I told him about the moment I woke up I felt single , he hugged and told me I am not single, you are double with me. .. Tell me how not to cry badly again ?. I couldn't sleep the whole night. He was hugging me tightly. My mind just stays awake , afraid he might leave me if i fall deep sleep. He told me he will never leave me and he will do something about it. Sigh. I really don't know what to do. I could imagine myself hitting the pub more. To get myself drunk or whatever it is. I just don't want to feel the pain anymore. . Tell me what to do. ?